Saturday, March 9, 2013

Journey of One: Live, Love, Fight.

I still have no computer, so once again I am blogging via my iPod. I am also once again blogging from my favorite pub, the Celtic Mist, where I am currently enjoying a pint or two (or more) of Guinness. I bid you all a happy "Half-Way to Carl Sagan Day" Day. I hope it's been a good day for everyone so far.

The logo above is from Live Love Fight. They sell Jiu Jitsu gear. They have a uniform I plan on buying when I have the money. I've been training a lot lately. I'm in the best shape of my life right now, and I'm only getting better. I share this with you here because my martial arts training has become a microcosm of my life overall. My life lately has been a series of setting goals and working to accomplish those goals. I feel I'm at this point in my life in which I'm ready to live. Most of my adult life I've been forced to deal with either my dreams or my heart being broken, and at times both simultaneously. I've been knocked down more than a few times in my life, and I've had to choose to either give in and give up, or get my ass back up. I have chosen the latter, and have become stronger because of it. I've faced obstacles and difficulties and pain. I've been forced to deal with setbacks and stumbling blocks, but here I am. I'm ready to live. I mean, really live. There's so much of the world - so much of the universe - that I want to experience. I think I've paid my dues. Don't get me wrong: life hasn't gotten any easier, and I'm far from being even close to having the kind of life I want. But, right now, I'm at a crucial place in my life. I need to make some big changes, and those changes scare the hell out of me. But I'm ready.

Not only am I ready to live, I'm ready to love. The fact that I'm twice-divorced made me cynical and calloused. I won't even talk about the other women in my life - the ones I was fortunate enough to not marry - who played around with my emotions and dropped me when I fulfilled their superficial desires and they had no more need of me. As I write this, "All My Ex's Live in Texas" by George Strait is playing here at the bar. Should I take that as a sign? I'll just say here that I had, for a while, believed that love - at least the kind of love I wanted - was a fantasy reserved for the naïve and the moronic. But I am incurably optimistic - hopelessly hopeful, perhaps - that such love is possible. I still believe in it, and I'm ready to experience it. I want someone who will be the bright center star in my universe, who loves me the way I love her; someone to whom I can show affection, whose affection is the only affection I want. I want someone to live for, to devote my life to, who will love me for my flaws as well as my good qualities: someone to experience life, the universe, and everything with. I need someone who's not afraid of adventures.

Don't get me wrong: I don't need that. I just really want that. I am fine being just me. My self-worth and happiness are not contingent upon being in a relationship. I'm not Edward Cullen, who would be absolutely lost without his Bella, his one reason for existing. Yes, that's a Twilight reference. Team Jacob forever.

I'm ready to live, to love, and (you guessed it) to fight. I know what I want in life. I know what will make me happy. And I'm ready to fight for it. Nothing worth having comes easily, and I'm ready to do what it takes to accomplish my goals, and live the kind of life I want. Keep watching. There's more coming.


Because the universe needs a #SaganGoogleDoodle.

[Journey of One: Live, Love, Fight (part two)]

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